The universe must be throwing us all a bunch of curveballs lately. Lots of people I know, including myself, have been going through some sort of turmoil; whether it be with work, or personal relationships, death of loved ones, or even just some self-awareness issues. Some of us joke about it and others blame it on the moon. Regardless…we’re all being hit, some of us repeatedly, with the shit stick lately. If that’s you…girl, I feel ya!
Out of all the struggles that I have seen women going through lately one commonality sticks out in my mind – the need each person has for understanding and validation. When we are upset and hurting we want to be understood. After all, there is no better feeling than having one validate our feelings, validate the pain we are experiencing. It helps us understand that we aren’t going crazy or perhaps that we aren’t alone and that our feelings are otherwise justified and “normal,” whatever that is. And if you are one to share your experience and express yourself and issues on social media, like Facebook, chances well intentioned people will freely offer up their condolences, advice filled with emojis, positive vibes and prayers.
Of course each person is on their own unique life journey which brings about their own unique perspectives. As such the advice given may differ from one person to the next. Some may have the “get over it” solution while others may try to sympathize…but for many situations that may seem to fall short and miss the mark. Simply put, people aren’t understanding our journey or the pain involved in our journey. For some, no matter what the well meaning friends have to say, it’s not helpful. I’ve even seen some individuals get upset at their friends for not responding at all to expressions of their pain and turmoil, not really knowing how to respond, or not responding in a way they deem appropriate or are wanting. The thing is…it’s not their journey to understand and they aren’t you. We can get so bogged down in our feelings of desperation and wanting to scream “help me” that we may be making matters worse by our reactions. It’s easy to overlook how selfish it can be if we are unkind or admonishing others for not understanding our journey. Indeed, others may have gone through similar circumstances…but they still are working through their own life journey and it won’t be perceived or dealt with in the same manner as what you perceive or how you deal with it.
A good reminder to us all – expectations, especially unrealistic or selfish ones, are the root of disappointment.
- We can’t expect others to always understand us or say the right things when we want them to. It’s our journey to understand and make sense of – not theirs.
- We can’t expect others to save us – we have to save ourselves – as painful and difficult as that can be.
- We can’t share openly and freely with everyone and anyone who will listen and expect that all comments or advice given with be music to our ears. People are unique for a reason. Be glad we aren’t all cookie cutter.
If you are struggling with something and talking with friends and family isn’t working for you (for whatever reason) consider talking to a professional for help. Counselors can help shed light on things or help give you different perspectives that maybe you hadn’t thought about before.
Until next time friends…
~ Memoirs of a Strong Woman ~ 