It’s been hard for me to write lately. Work has been unusually busy and I’m still trying to learn to live without my regular dose of “Grams” who was part of my inspiration for starting this little blog in the first place.
February 9th was the last day I received a text message I received from her. When I was on her mind, but her not wanting to interrupt my work, she’d send me a pretty picture.
I can’t remember the exact day that we spoke last – it was in February just before she got real sick when she told me about her wheelbarrow accident. Still cracks me up that at 82 she was still toting around a wheelbarrow full of rocks. If only I may live to be so full of energy when I near that age.
I have learned that drive times are the hardest. That’s when I used to call her and talk about life – that was two days a week sometimes; if not more. Now my drive times are filled with music or phone calls with others but every sunset I gaze into as I drive tends to remind me of her and I get to missing being able to pick up the phone and chat – even if to listen to her tell me about broken water pipes out at the old ranch. That place has been a project since long before I was born. It’s what she knew though.
In cleaning house today I realized that the Christmas cards that she gave to us are still on the island in my kitchen along side the Thank You card she sent me for taking her on my wedding cruise and having her walk me down the isle. I really should have been thanking her and I hope she knows how special that moment was for me. I haven’t been able to move them yet.
When life got stressful the first person I’d call was Grams. Life has been stressful a lot lately…even today. Last night I got frustrating news about increasing student loans (ah, that’s a sore subject for another day) and learning that I was being kind of attacked on Twitter by someone who knows absolutely NOTHING about me but apparently hates a company that I represent legally so you know – poop rolls down hill – and while I like to think I am a voice of reason and push for things that are “right” people who don’t know me, or what I have done to help people, just make up assumptions and are ugly. The world seems more ugly lately and it’s disheartening.
Today I wanted so badly to call her; to tell her about these latest trial and tribulations in my life. Indeed she would listen to me and these kinds of stories and offer the reassurance that I often need in order to deal with such ugliness in the world. She’d call these people bad names for me… always damn funny when Grams would say bad words.
So today, for therapy, I write to simply say that I miss my Grandma today…a lot.
~ Memoirs of a Strong Woman ~ 