She will never get the chance to see her babies graduate or walk down the isle. She will never get the chance to help her daughter through the trials and tribulations of motherhood should she choose to have children of her own. She will never get the chance to meet up for beers in our old home town to reminisce about the “good old days” like we had talked about. Her infectious personality and smile will never be shared with another individual. Why? Because my friend committed suicide.
How could she not know how loved she was? How could she not know important she was? How could she not know that, with a simply phone call any one of us would have rushed to her, even across the country, to help her? We all knew there were struggles but in hindsight we try to dissect her words to determine if there were signs that we just didn’t see. Maybe there was? Maybe there wasn’t? Maybe she just wore that “badass tough girl” cape so well that none of us could see the severity of the pain lurking underneath. Could we have done anything different to prevent it?
Anger. Sadness. Heartbreak. Self blame. Guilt. Unanswered questions…WHY?
Life can be cruel and sometimes it seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Chances are at some point we have all wanted to book a one way ticket to anywhere that we could escape our lives and the stresses that come with it. Sometimes we feel that we don’t want to burden our friends and family with our troubles and so things get bottled up inside and can lead to things like substance abuse or, in worst cases, death.
If you are that person, who bottles things up and doesn’t reach out to friends because you think you are a burden, I ask you this question: How does it make you feel when you are able to help out a friend? Good, right? Why in the world would you rob someone you care about of the potential to feel good about helping you? Don’t be stubborn…give your friends and family, or even a stranger, the gift of letting them help you.
Remember, you are never alone and no matter what, it’s not hopeless. After all, the most beautiful rainbows appear at the end of the storm; sometimes you just have to ride it out like Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump in order to have the chance to see it.
National Suicide Prevention Line: call 1-800-273-8255 24 hours a day. They even have an online “chat” if that is better for you. Just run a search in Google for “suicide prevention” or click on this hyperlink: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
May you all find strength and comfort when you need it.
~ Memoirs of a Strong Woman ~ 