Oddly, I’m one of those super weird people that have memories going way back – further than most individuals. In fact, I can remember standing in my crib starring at my parents in their bedroom. I can still recall the green paint on the walls and the gold covered metal lamp shades. I wasn’t maybe a year and a half old? Similarly, I have memories dating back to when my mom used to carry me around the cattle ranch in a little green baby backpack. I probably wasn’t much older then. It’s probably why I learned to cuss as such a young age – being exposed to all the ranch hands in the branding corral. Grandma had to have a talk with the men about the language they used with the the little one, i.e., me, was around after I announced with authority that we needed some “goddamn beans!” All these years later grandma still loves to tell that story.
The ability to remember little details, and for a long time, is GREAT in my work world. After all, being in legal and having the ability to recall information pretty much on the spot has been a huge asset. On the flip side, for those of us who have had some not so pleasant experiences in life, such a gift of memory can be a burden. I can vividly recall the abuse my father dealt out to mother, sister and I like it was a movie that I just finished watching ten minutes ago – or even like the featured image…as if it were just a string of photographs all ran together in a line. Any time something pops up that reminds me of an old and awful situation from my past, that situation replays in my memory like watching a movie you have seen a hundred times and I cringe. Sometimes it even stops me in my tracks for a split second so that I can analyze the situation and proceed with a clear head, understanding and recognizing the the emotional response that was generated.
Indeed, sometimes it is harder than others to take inventory of my own emotional response and proceed with a clear head…but it’s entirely doable. So for any of you out there that struggle with the same “movie memory” that I have, know that you are not alone and with self awareness it doesn’t have to plague your life.
Hugs to you all!
~ Memoirs of a Strong Woman ~ 